I went to visit my 90 year old Nan last week. When I turned up she was over at her next-door-but-one neighbour’s for their usual cup of coffee. They do this every day, twice a day, and have done so for, by my reckoning, decades. When my Nan’s sister was alive she joined them too, and I’m sure there have been more residents over the years, if not drinking coffee, then going to the shops together or helping each other out in some way.

As I spoke to my Nan’s friend she told me what a lifeline my Nan has been for her. These ladies have stuck together through the years, throughout a flipping pandemic, and are still turning up for each other twice a day, every day. Even if it’s just to chat shit about Holby City, what books they’re reading and how nice the Queen looked in her latest hat.

While I was there my Auntie turned up too, to take my Nan on a food shop. She stayed for a cup of coffee and before we all left my Nan’s friend had to repeatedly insist she didn’t need anything from the supermarket, thank you. No, I’ve got milk, that’s fine lovey, thank you. 

I left with such a warm feeling in my heart, that these female friendships and relationships just keep going, keep providing mutual support and connections, keep enriching the world around them in tiny undetected ways that we barely even think about it. Our female support networks raise us up instinctively. How many times have you been told that you’ve helped your friend or said the right thing at the right time and it didn’t even register with you? I mean, you may be a bit more self aware and on it than me, but that’s my issue.   

This isn’t an anti-men thing, as I have a lot of male friends who are just as precious and supportive, I’m just saying there is a special place in the universe for female friendships and relationships, and we should treasure it whenever we can. It’s not a hardship, there’s usually biscuits, sometimes even wine, and a whole lot of love and laughter. 

Mandy and I meet most weeks and although we try to fit some work in, most of the time we are just there for each other. We chat over several coffees and catch up on our lives. It’s a constant highlight in a week that might have been hard work, to be with someone who supports you and lifts you up. That’s what we hope Mumsnot will bring to you, wherever you are. A space to be with likeminded people, to give you love and support and a place to share. Contribute if you can, we’d love to hear from you.

My hairdresser gave me a little card at the end of my last appointment last week with a handwritten note saying ‘Your energy is magic!’. It’s these kind of connections that make life worthwhile, and definitely makes spending a lot of money on highlights more bearable. Come and share your energy with us!

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Lifting the lid on not-mum lives and having a peek inside

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